But really. France is cray. Sister Rhondeau and I have lost track. She turned to me yesterday on the bus... "We just passed a man... standing in his window...naked." hahaha Oh, France.
Boba drinks for weekly planning! right by our house. I'm in
heaven.
Also... I have always been a rather loud sleep talker. And passionate. I'm not one of those cute quiet people who whispers funny things. I'm the crazy one who will groggily stand up for each and every one of my opinions with a fiery passion. Countless roommates tell me I'm a sleep pep-talker ("TAKE A RISK! TAKE A RISK!"). A loud laugher and a flirt. (I don't even want to know what that sounded like...) and now I am a very very loud TESTIFIER. That's right. Sister Rhondeau looks at me several times a week and says "You were testifying in your sleep last night..." hahaha In French. Practically yelling the truths of the restored gospel. Oh dear, I am never getting married. Or my husband needs to sleep like a log.
And Sister Rhondeau loves the movie strictly ballroom.
WHAT?! Our families are like long lost twin families. I've always loved great
film because anything inspirational shapes my character, and Sister Rhondeau
agrees. Thus we are basically the same person. :) We plan to live together when
we get back.
The Elders found Dr. Pepper. I don't know how, I only know
God loves us.
Well, this week was hard. Not because of naked men. haha
I've heard people tell stories from their missions a thousand times about how
the Lord completely tears you down to zero and then begins to build you into
what he wants you to be. Heard it, thought I got it. But have you ever thought
about what it must feel like to be at zero? Well... now I do. The saddest and
the best thing that has ever happened to me. Wednesday night I was writing in
my journal when I started just thinking about my life and what I have become...
and I realized I had no idea who I was. I had never admitted it to myself
before, and it was frightening. I just felt sadness wash over me and sat back
in my chair and realized I was at zero. I had no idea who I was. I felt like I
didn't even have a personality. I tried to think of things I knew about myself.
And then realized I knew nothing. And the tears came.
FRENCH DREAM COME TRUE. SUN. FLOW. ER. FIELDS. :D
But luckily God knew the only way he could put me at zero
and then build me back up was to give me a companion like Sister Rhondeau.
Sister Rhondeau walked into the room and looked right at me and with more love
in her eyes than I can describe she just asked "What's wrong"?
And I told her everything. I had received so many messages
of what a missionary is supposed to be and how a missionary is supposed to act
that I had lost myself somewhere along the way. But not in a good way. I had
lost myself to the work but had also left my personality in California. And I
realized that losing yourself to the Lord is not losing your personality. The
Lord called you to serve in the place he knew you were needed. Your personality
could benefit the people there! There are some parts of your personality that
maybe need to change, but that doesn't mean you leave it behind and be a robot
for 2 years. Instead bring it all with you... and then change the bad parts but
keep the YOU parts! Jane Austen put it far better than I ever could --
"One man's style must not be the rule of another's." Missionaries are
not mindless identical robots who all act exactly the same. We're all just
human beings! AND THAT'S OK.
For too long I had taken thinking about my strengths and
talents as pride. Instead of reading my patriarchal blessing or letters from my
Mom and thinking "This is who I am because God knows this is who I
am" or "My Mom knows me and knows I am good at this, so I am" It
was "That's nice they think that... but I guess they don't really know
me." THIS IS NOT HUMILITY. THIS IS CALLED THE DEVIL. It is good to
recognize your God given talents and abilities! I am not talking about bragging
or boasting, I am talking about recognizing yourself as A BELOVED DAUGHTER OF
GOD WHO HAS DIVINE GIFTS AND TALENTS THAT YOU MUST CULTIVATE TO FULFILL YOUR
PURPOSE HERE ONE EARTH. I am talking about recognizing your worth, and hand in
hand with that, recognizing others worth. I am talking about waking up every
morning and saying to yourself "I'm a catch." BECAUSE YOU ARE! Not
because of anything you say or do, but because you are a well known and well
loved daughter of God and therefore you have worth. GOD SEES YOU AS THE
GLORIOUS GODDESS YOU ARE CAPABLE OF BECOMING. God loves you because you are his
daughter. The end. No proving yourself. No earning affection. JUST LOVE.
Sometimes I'm really shy about admitting this stuff to the
world. I feel vulnerable because now everybody knows I'm not as bulletproof as
I appear. But you know what, I couldn't care less anymore. Guess what? I'm a
human being. You're a human being. Life is hard sometimes. And that's ok!
:)
Best day of my life.
So, here I am...rebuilding my personality. And this is the
best thing that has ever happened to me. Everybody deserves to have their
personality destroyed and then rebuilt around someone like Sister Rhondeau.
Because Sister Rhondeau is probably the most Christ-like person I have ever
met. Sister Rhondeau just lets people be human. You don't have to prove
anything to Sister Rhondeau about your coolness or your hilarity. You can say
nothing and just be boring because you don't feel like talking right then...
and she still just loves you. If the only reason I came on a mission was to
meet Sister Rhondeau and walk around for 18 months and not a single person got
baptized despite my hardest diligent efforts, I would say it was enough.
Well, this has all been pretty dramatic. Sister Rhondeau and
I have come to realized that we are pretty dramatic by nature, and turn to each
other about 50 times a day and say things like "I don't mean to be
dramatic... but this is the best day of my life... because that lady smiled at
us." haha We are kindred spirits.
Ammonites!
If you ever feel like God is distant or like your prayers
fall on deaf ears, I promise you that God is there. I know it, I know it, I
know it. All is well. God is alive in the heavens. Christ already performed the
atonement. ALL IS WELL. God loves you. He hears your prayers. And the armies of
heaven rush to your side whenever you call upon the name of the Lord.
So much love my heart hardly fits in my chest, Soeur Autumn
Bradley
I'm not sure how I came about your blog, actually I googled feeling distant from my friend in Texas as where I am in Maine. I became baptized in 2012 after chasing down 2 missionaries in a Tim Hortons ice cream\coffee shop. I had a burning question that always eluded me that How can a loving God who created is, be such a punishing God. I never ever believed that was true. I was determined to find out what their answer was, and it was what I had Lways believed in my soul to be true. My family of 5 was baptized 5 months later. I am inspired by some of what I have read, and I say this. Thank you. For sharing. And the man who attacked you in French, you should have left him a Book of Mormon:)
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